So I can't believe it-- I am 25 weeks pregnant. Only 15 more to go! Sometimes it hits me and I can't believe that it's happening so soon. I usually count on my fingers: March, April, May- only three months to go until this baby girl is here. I have to be perfectly honest, last week I had my first, "oh sh!t" moment! Honestly, I've been so excited ever since we found out we were pregnant but since it was a surprise, I don't know if I was quite as prepared as I anticipated I'd be before getting pregnant.
Maybe it's because Jesse was already in New York and I was home alone, maybe because the nursery is almost finished (I can't wait to share how it turned out!!), maybe because I was nervous to fly and die, but for honestly 12 seconds I had "cold feet" and I'm not even sure about what specifically. I'm not nervous to deliver, I'm excited to be a mom, I can't wait for Jesse to be a dad, and I'm looking forward to the big life changes ahead, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have that experience.
I tried to liken it to another experience that I've had before, and honestly, I couldn't think about a time when I've truly gotten cold feet. I was excited to go to USD, I had no doubts about marrying Jesse, and I always know when a trip is going to be great. Oh wait, I just thought about when I've had serious cold feet (wow, I'm feeling better and less guilty about my questioning this next phase). I applied only to USF for grad school, didn't look at any other programs besides MFT, and was very excited about it. I got to orientation, which turned out to be five hours long and very odd (I remember I sat next to Kathryn and Hillary!!! SO funny to think about how close we've become over the years) and went home that evening and said to Jesse, "I'm not sure if I can do this program!" and seriously considered dropping out. I decided to wait until after my first class meeting to see how I felt. Luckily, it was an amazing class with great people and I knew it was the right fit.
I think it's good to question decisions in life and to have a little self-doubt, but then snap the hell out of it. Think of all the things we could do if we didn't let doubt hold us back. I like to think that it's better to be fearless and try- eventually it becomes habit and you don't even realize you're being brave/ outgoing/ a fool!
I'm not sure if it was feeling my baby girl kicking like crazy, or the comfort in Jesse's voice when I called him and said I had "cold feet about this whole baby thing, but now I'm okay" or when I thought about my parents before becoming first time parents, but I felt much better. Every time I have an experience that challenges me personally, I am grateful because I think it helps me understand others and will make me a better therapist.
The pregnancy has been going really well and I'm finally into maternity pants! Don't worry, don't worry- they're the Maternity J.Crew Pixie Pants! I can't wait to share some maternity looks soon. Also, I wanted to say that if you see me in person, you can touch my stomach. You don't have to ask!
Baby is the size of a: Cauliflower
Weight Gain: 11.5 lbs
Constipation: Digestion slows down during pregnancy so that bodies can absorb more nutrients. I've been feeling pretty good and can't complain.
Hemorrhoids: Not sure I even know what these are! I remember first hearing about them as a kid in elementary school because we all wore Gap men's boxers as kids (this to me is now SO weird. What if my daughter asks me to wear men's underwear to practice sports in.). Geeze talk about poor peer pressure style choices. Although the Gap boxer prints were super fun- especially around the holidays. Any way, someone said that the seamless butt of the boxers was because men get hemorrhoids. A 7th grader told me this when I was in 5th grade. Looking back, I wonder if she overheard her parents talking about hemorrhoids and just wanted to use the word with a younger person (ME) who wouldn't question it.
So, no I don't have these.
Gas and bloating: Gas is just a part of being a human being. Everyone has gas and it's nice to be able to share it whenever, wherever. I just like to make sure that I'm wearing my tightest shirt and look very pregnant before doing so. I've never been a person that gets bloated and haven't noticed a change in this.
Heartburn: Luckily, I haven't had any of this. Heartburn just makes me think of those commercials with old guys rubbing their chest and then popping a pill.
All over-aches and pains: Definitely a few more aches, some pain in my lower back, and tightness in my calves but that's from walking all around New York. Nothing has been too painful that I couldn't bear it.
Trouble sleeping: I've actually still been sleeping really well. Everyone says this is going to change. I think the only thing I noticed was twice in New York I felt so tired like I had been drugged. It was right after eating food, so not sure if I was just going into a food coma or if it was pregnancy.
Excited for: Picking a baby name! We are still working on this!
Since we're almost finished with our nursery, I thought I would share one picture that I snapped of a side table next to the crib! Enjoy!! xoxoxo, Caroline
ps- I'm still tired from traveling. Expect to have lots of New York and fashion week updates throughout the week!